| In the last 2 weeks I have traveled thousands of miles, met hundreds of new people, eaten too many tacos, and too many peanut butter and jelly sandwiches :). I've built a house, painted 4 or 5 others of them, picked up trash, translated spanish somehow, and carried countless little mexican's on my shoulders. I've given away toys, broken up fights and prayed with scores of kids to accept Jesus. I've climbed a small mountain, fallen on a small cactus, injured myself on a merry-go-round and made coffee using paper towels as filters. My body is burnt with a sweet farmers tan, my beard is long and 2 showers later I still can't seem to get all of the dirt off of my body. 37 teenagers have opened my eyes and refreshed my spirit. The mission trip was similar to a christian camp on steroids. Maybe in an office you forget that it is all real; that there are really teenagers who have real problems. Buzz words like "Generation" and "War" seem to make sense when put into the christian perspective. I am personally not fans of the comparison. Maybe it seems like hype. But standing behind a crowd of 750 teenagers, worshiping God as best as they understood. Mountains all around. iPods and internet are turned off. Friends and parents are nowhere to be found, only the night sky, a crowd of piers and worship band up front. I now see how the Holy Spirit was working in their hearts, opening their eyes to become closer to God. I realize how nothing but the power of God is able to save us. The idols of the world work hard for the attention and affection of our society, yes even "fight" for it. Teens are dependant on them. But God can save us. The process of transformation is not a quick one. They want it to be fast. They feel God's "touch" one night in worship or one day on ministry. They feel humbled at the sight of poverty. They feel loved with the warm fellowship of a team of other teens who are learning to love God and each other. They feel loved by adults and mentors spending time with them, listening to what they have to say, telling them they are special. They may think they are fixed. They may get their hopes up. Transformation takes time. We are trying to reform teenagers. I am trying to be reformed, allowing my will to bend. Allowing to acknowledge that my understanding of life, of the Bible, of God, need to be developed, led by God. No approach works with God except complete surrender, and it seems it is impossible to do even this without his help. I heard this song that seemed to define my experience on this trip. I'm typically leery of highly romanticized worship songs - this one kind of falls in that category - but I felt so blessed by the chorus: He is jealous for me
love's like a hurricane
I am a tree
bending beneath the weight of his wind and mercy
when all of the sudden i am unaware
of these afflictions eclipsed by glory
i realize just how beautiful you are
and how great your affections are for me Oh, how he loves us, Oh,
Oh, how he loves us,
How he loves us, Oh He loves us,
Oh How he loves us
Oh How he loves us
Oh How he loves us He loves us,
Oh How he loves us
Oh How he loves us
Oh How he loves us
There is so much I don't understand about God. When I think about how he loves us, I'm humbled. I feel compelled to lay down my life. I understand how to do it. Where sometimes a preacher may say "Die to your self" or "Kill your flesh" or some other typical saying. I often hear the preacher's words and wonder if they are designed to somehow manipulate me into feeling bad so that I will surrender to God. But when I think of how God loves us, it's not that I understand why or what it even means, only that I owe everything to him. I want to worship him and lay everything down. 
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